Funny Questions About Life

Ever had one of those funny questions about life? Then please read on. When it comes to funny questions and thoughts about life, every time I think I've seen them all I find one I've never seen before or come up with more of my own. The following are some of the ones I've discovered or written however, I know there's more because thats, well... life. So, if you find while reading these funny questions and thoughts about life make you smile, pass them along. All right, let's get started!

Funny Questions about life - Group 1 Why does Hawaiian pizza also contain Canadian Bacon? Grape Nuts cereal. No grapes - no nuts. Huh? What's the difference between regular ketchup and fancy ketchup? Do Dutch people always split the bill? If you use Miracle Whip on Wonder Bread, do you have to use Heavenly Ham?

Funny Questions about life - Group 2 Is there ever a day that mattresses aren't on sale? They make bullet proof vests, why not bullet proof pants? Why are oriental rug stores always going out of business? Is there any difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?

Funny Questions about life - Group 3 If it only takes one match to start a forrest fire, why on earth does it take me a whole box of matches and a can of lighter fluid to light my grill? When they ship those styrofoam peanuts, what do they pack them in? How do you know when pickles or sour cream has gone bad?

Funny Questions about life - Group 4 How does one know when their bagpipes need tuning? Allstate Insurance has a disclaimer that reads: not available in all states. What? If Donkey Kong's main character is a monkey, why isn't it called Monkey Kong? Why does the word lisp have an "s" in it?

Funny Questions about life - Group 5 How come you never read the headline, "Psychic Wins Lottery"? The next time someone says, "Now I've seen everything", ask them if they've ever seen a UPS truck parked in a parking space. Has anyone ever really seen a Jolly Rancher? If you get a club soda stain, how do you remove it?

Funny Questions about life - Group 6 Has anyone (besides Donald Trump's wife) ever been fooled by a comb over? Is it really possible to change the direction of a bowling ball by waving your hands? There's senior citizens, so why aren't there junior citizens?

Funny Questions about life - Group 7 They say laughter is the best medicine - so who came up with the phrase, "I died laughing"? Why do doctors leave the room when your getting dressed? After all, they've already seen you naked. What's wrong with the United States? They only have two choices for President, but fifty for Miss America. Any reason they nail down the lid of a coffin? When butterflies get upset or nervous, what do they get in their stomachs?

Funny Questions about life - Group 8 Where do they put price stickers on non-stick pans? If it's called lipstick, why is it always coming off? When they sing, "Take me out to the ball game" they're already there. Why? Who's idea was it to make the word abbreviation so long?

Yes, these are just a few of the Funny Questions about life that try men's -and women's souls. And there's a ton more funny questions about life not listed here. Some of them come to me during the course of a day. For example, why does every shampoo bottle say, lather, rinse, repeat? I'm sorry, did I miss my head entirely the first time or do you just want to sell more shampoo? If you have or have thought up any funny questions of life yourself, feel free to send them along and thanks for wasting a few minutes of your life pondering these funny questions of life. Now get out there and do something good. Like figuring out what people in China call their good plates...

Good Jokes

Good jokes are good because not only it will bring laughter to the people, but it will also not offend other people. Good jokes or commonly called clean jokes are those that don’t contain a foul and green intent. They share humor that can be presented to all kinds of age, whether you are a child who understands the concept of the joke, or an adult. Mark Twain is of those who write good jokes; he is an American author as well as a humorist. An example of his works would be the Adventures of Huckleberry Fin, and the Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

There are many types of jokes that are made, one example is the Question and Answer (Q&A) jokes. These are some examples of Q&A jokes:

Q: “Where do you find a no legged dog?” A:”Right where you left him.”

Q:”What do get from a pampered cow?” A:”Spoiled milk.”

Q:”How do crazy people go through the forest?” A:”They take the psycho path.”

Q:”What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours?” A:”Nacho cheese.”

Q:”Why don’t blind people like to sky dive?” A:”Because it scares the dog.”

There are also one-liner jokes that are short but deliver the humor through the straight to the point punch line. Here are some examples for one-liner jokes:

“Boys are like parking spaces, the good ones are take-in!!!”

“The Magician was driving down the road… then he turned into a driveway.”

“To a worm, digging in the hard ground is more relaxing than going fishing.”

“I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.”

“No more about Elvis, OK? Thankyouvermuch.”

“I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.”

Meanwhile, there are also Good Jokes that depict a story and at the end of the story is the punch line. They usually portray people with their stupidity and dullness which makes people laugh at the end. Here are some examples of short story jokes:

Windy Tale?

“Three retirees, each with hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other , ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ ‘No,’ the second man replied, ‘it’s Thursday.’ The third man chimed in, ‘So am I. Let’s have a beer.’”

Secret Service?

“A Friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside: The pastor said to him, ‘You need to join the Army of the Lord!’ My friend replied, ‘I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.’ Pastor questioned, ‘How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?’ He whispered back, ‘I’m in the secret service.’”

Shame

“‘You should be ashamed,’ the father told his son, Andy, ‘When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he used to walk ten miles everyday to get to school.’ ‘Really?’ Andy responded. ‘Well, when he was your age, he was president.’

There are many Good Jokes that are very funny to hear yet is clean and available for all to hear. Your funny experiences in your life can also be made into a joke so that you can make people laugh. Just be happy and make people laugh because as the saying goes by Mark Twain “The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.”

The Best Bar and Nightclub Jokes Ever

Having a boring day at the office or at uni, daydreaming about which bars or nightclubs you will be heading to this weekend? If so here is a few bar and nightclub jokes to break up the mediocrity of the daily grind.

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 5 double shots. The bartender, a little surprised lines up the glasses and pours them out, assuming his mates are just round the corner. The man then, calm as a coma, knocks each shot back one after the other. The bartenders, amazed by this feat of drinking turns to the man and goes “that’s a big effort.” The man replies “you would drink quickly too if you had what I’ve got.” Curiously the bartender asks “what have you got mate” to which the man replies “no money.”

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink and asks the bartender how much? The bartender replies “no charge”

A man, after having 27 drinks at a nightclub decides to head home, grabs his car keys and heads to the car park. Struggling to walk, he finally gets to his car, takes him 3 goes to get the keys into the ignition, reverses into the car park wall and drives straight through the boom gate. Realising his wife is at home waiting for him, a decides to drive as fast as possible, swerving across the road erratically. A police car see’s this and pulls him over. The copper asks the man “mate do you know how fast you were going?” The man replies “How the fuck would I know, I’ve just had 27 drinks.”

A rabbi, a sheik and a priest all walk into a bar together holding hands singing “hari-krishna.” The bartender says to them “what is this some kind of bad joke?”

A penguin walks into a bar and with a sense of urgency asks the bar man “sir have you seen my brother, he’s missing and I can’t find him” to which the bar man replies “what does he look like?”

A man walks into a bar, and furiously yells ”all bouncer’s are assholes!!!” A man at the end of the bar stands up, slams his drink on the bar and yells “you better fucking take that back.” Shocked, the man says “why, are you a bouncer?” to which he replies “no… I’m an asshole.”

A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop says, How is this possible? The guy says “I’m the designated decoy”